


Don't Mess With the Goose or Her Adopted Gosling

by crookedspoon



Series: Exchange Fics [55]
Category: Batman (Comics), Untitled Goose Game (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Batman: A Death in the Family, Dialogue Heavy, Gen, Jason Todd Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-30 07:01:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21424108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crookedspoon/pseuds/crookedspoon
Summary: Jason tells the tale of how a goose saved his life.
Series: Exchange Fics [55]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/51139
Comments: 6
Kudos: 120
Collections: Untitled Goose Exchange 2: 2 Goose 2 Furious





	Don't Mess With the Goose or Her Adopted Gosling

**Author's Note:**

  * For [reisling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reisling/gifts).

> Contrary to the goose game dev decisions, the goose in this fic is not referred to with <del>gander</del> gender-neutral pronouns. Jason didn't think to ask.
> 
> Very loosely interprets the tags: Goose Prevents Canonical Character Death By Being Horrible, Character Befriends Goose With Bribery; Family Member Does Not Approve, Character Inconveniently Learns Geese Have Teeth, Ohana Means Family And Family Means No One Gets Left Behind Not Even The Goose, To Do: Honk in the Face of True Evil, Fight flight or HONK.

Bruce breathes easier the moment they're in the air, and easier still once they're safely back in Gotham. The flight from Ethiopia was uneventful, for which he is glad. He's had enough excitement for a while. Not that Gotham is without for long.

"I trust you had a pleasant trip, Master Bruce, Master Jason," Alfred greets them in the parking lot.

"It was certainly productive," Bruce says as he lets Alfred stow away their luggage in the trunk. "The Joker has been apprehended, and his plot foiled. That's all that matters."

"And making it out unscathed," Jason adds.

"That goes without saying, old chap."

"Who is your friend?"

Holding open the door, Alfred raises a questioning but not at all fazed eyebrow at the cage that Jason is carrying. Inside, their new companion is testing the bars with her teeth.

"This is Goose"—the boy grins and sets her cage on the seat next to him—"she probably saved my life."

"My word, Master Jason! How ever did you find such a heroic specimen?"

"I guess you could say she found me. Get in, so I can tell you all about it."

Once Alfred is driving them back to the manor, Jason launches into a retelling of the events that lead to them returning with a goose. 

"When Bruce benched me, I didn't know what to do. I wandered around aimlessly for a while until I found myself back in my old neighborhood in Crime Alley. There was this lady who used to live next to us. She held on to a couple of things from my parents for me." 

Jason explains how he realized that his mother, Catherine, was not his birth mother at all, and that his actual birth mother might still be alive somewhere. If that was the case, Jason had to find her. 

Using the deductive skills that Bruce had taught him, Jason narrowed the list of potential candidates down to three women who used to have contact with his father. "And with the help of the Batcomputer, I managed to locate their current whereabouts. So that's when I left. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about any of this. I didn't mean to make you worry."

It was a stroke of luck that made Jason's path crossed with Bruce's again, who had been following the Joker's trail. They eventually found Jason's mother in a refugee camp in Ethiopia. Bruce excused himself to give the two time to get to know each other.

"But she was still busy, you see. Had a meeting with someone and told me to wait for an hour. I could help with the food distribution in the meantime. It wasn't a great feeling to be brushed aside so soon after finding my mother, but I guess we both needed a moment to digest the news. I did arrive completely out of the blue after all, and my mom was working. And this camp seemed to mean something to her, so of course I'd help out.

"So there I was, giving out food and wondering how long my mom would be, when I heard a child's loud cry. I dashed over just in time to see a goose speeding off with something it had stolen from the child. Without thinking, I grabbed a piece of bread and dashed after it. I thought if I could bribe it with food, it'd lose interest in the toy. What I didn't consider was that I'd gain a not quite so silent shadow." Jason laughs and puts a fond hand on the cage beside him. "She kept running between my feet, as if trying to get my attention. I gave the kid back his toy and the goose another piece of bread when the 'business' my mom still had arrived. Turns out it was the Joker!"

"Goodness," Alfred says, glancing at Jason through the rearview mirror. "What business did that dastardly clown have with your mother?"

"I'm not completely sure. I think he was blackmailing her. Something that could ruin the life she has built for herself. But don't feel so bad for her. She was pretty much ruining it herself. You see, when Bruce was trying to stop the Joker gas from being distributed around the camp, I went up to my mom and offered to help her with whatever trouble she had. But instead of accepting, she delivered me straight to the Joker. Said any investigation into the camp's funds would uncover that she'd been embezzling the relief aid for years." Jason heaves a sigh. "Guess all my parents are crooks."

"That is disheartening to hear, sir."

"Wait until you hear the good bit, Alfie! Throughout all this, the goose has been following me, no matter how much I've been shooing her away. I thought she was being quite the pest, and tried to ignore her. But then there the Joker was, ready to go lights out on me, and I completely forgot about her. You should have seen it!" Jason barks a laugh as he bounces on his seat. "Joker was about to hit me with a crowbar, and I knew I'd be in for a world of pain. But then in swooped Goose here and attacked him! He didn't know what what happening. She made a lot of noise and flapped her wings, and all of us were startled, even Joker's goons. Joker finally seemed to remember that he had a crowbar in hand and swung it at her. She didn't like that though, so she bit him!"

Jason laughs at that, genuine laughter, and Bruce is glad Jason seems to have weathered this all so much better than he himself has. Everything could have had a quite different outcome.

"That was probably the most comical moment in Joker's life," Jason continues. "He screamed and tried to shake her off, but she wouldn't let go. Not even his henchmen wanted to get between them. It was all the distraction I needed to take them all out, and I did! Pow! Boom! Crack!"

He motions throwing punches and roundhouse kicks, and the goose sitting next to him, agitated by his display of animation, raises herself to her full height and flaps her wings.

"My word, Master Jason!" Alfred humors the boy. 

"I would have taken out the Joker too, but Bruce was faster and knocked him out before I could. Though Goose did most of the work. Can you believe? The Joker incapacitated by a goose?"

Jason succumbs to another round of laughter that the goose joins in. Bruce remains silent. He lets Jason have this moment. Jason is most likely just as excited to be alive as Bruce is relieved about it. Who knows what might have happened if he had been any later. Or if the goose had not been there to cause a commotion. The chilling knowledge that he could have so easily lost Jason sits deep in his bones.

"What happened to that villainous clown?"

"He was taken into custody by the local authorities," Bruce says. "As was Jason's mother. It's going to be months of legal battles to have them extradited to the U.S. – giving the Joker plenty of time to escape again."

"I do have to say that it is a shame about Ms. Haywood. That is no way for anyone to treat their son."

For a moment, Jason sinks into his seat, looking utterly dejected. Bruce can't begin to fathom the pain he must be feeling. First he loses the parents he has known all his life, and then his birth mother sells him out to save her skin. Reprehensible. Bruce will have to monitor Jason and his training closely from now on. He can't let anything like this happen again.

"But you know what?" Jason perks up and pets the goose. "I've got a new family right here. Isn't that right, my girl?"

"HONK!"

**Author's Note:**

> If he had lived, Jason would have been the original Damian Wayne, believe it! Also, poor Alfred already knows he#s the one who has to care for the goose.


End file.
